Taking the Shot

Of course the unspoken inverse of that quote is that you miss many of the shots that you do.
 
Back in December I applied for the Michener Fellowship, which is a fully funded MFA program for writers here at the University of Texas. 

Today, I got their form rejection in my inbox. This is not unexpected. Nearly 1,000 people apply for just twelve spots.

Still, it sucks. 

Yet, I'm glad I applied and here's why:

• I had to step back and assess my work as a whole to put a writing sample together. It was illuminating to read my stories over in light of what they said about me as a writer.Whether I decide to apply again or not, I think this is something I'll keep doing.
• Writing a statement of purpose made me think about what kind of writer I am and what kind of writer I want to be. Most of the time, I'm necessarily focused on a particular project and on carving out the  time I need to complete it on a day-to-day level. It was useful to step back and think about the big picture.
• Applying is an act of faith regarding the pursuit of my writing as something important and real. Right now it's less than a career, but more than a hobby. Some disappointment along that road is the cost of a meaningful pursuit.

So, today I'll mope a little and commiserate with friends. Tomorrow it's back to the work. I've got lots of stories to write this year.

The Practice of Gratitude

Hope by George Frederic Watts 1886

It seems like I just posted about all the things that make me happy in writing and in life. Yet, over the past couple months, events have conspired to keep my mind on the idea of gratitude.

We had a lot of challenges over the holidays, nothing truly awful, but not much fun either. The roof over our bed developed a leak (due to low-bid contract work on our addition to the house, i.e. the original builders were not roofers). The roof over our bedroom essentially had to be replaced. The week before Christmas, the timing belt on my car wore out. I'm hoping to upgrade to a new car someday soon, making expensive repairs on this one especially galling. Right after Christmas – the day we were to leave for our family vacation – I broke a crown. 

Just before all this happened, a family we know lost their dad. The girls know his daughters, so we all went to the funeral. That's the kind of thing that will really keep your head screwed on straight when facing the stumbling blocks in your own path. We all stepped out of that church with a deep sadness and a sense of gratitude that trumped everything else.

In the weeks between the funeral and Christmas, I thought a lot about what it means to move through each day with a sense of gratitude that is decoupled from the events of that day. This gratitude didn't make dealing with our troubles any more pleasant. I wanted to swim, but it seemed that I was stuck treading water.

We moved some money around to pay for the roof, and when I was at the grocery store that week, I was grateful that I could get our usual groceries and grateful for our pantry and fridge full of good food. I was grateful for my fantastic husband who, with a no-big-deal attitude, paid for the timing belt in my car. I told him to put a bow on it and call it a Christmas present (shhh, don't tell the kids: new roofs and replaced timing belts are grown up Christmas presents). Despite my broken crown, my tooth didn't hurt. Amazingly, one of the dentists at our practice was in on Boxing Day and "patched" it before we headed out of town for our vacation.

Gratitude is like the oil that keeps the wheels moving, especially when you hit a rough patch. It's an attitude that you can arm yourself with to meet whatever the day throws at you. I believe that the practice of gratitude has not only positively affected my life; it has also improved the productivity and depth of my writing. It has given me more stamina and resilience to slog through the challenges, so that I have something left to give to my writing.

The Second Annual Belated Turkey of Gratitude

Still Life with Fruit and Ham, Jan Davidszoon de Heem, c.1649

Turns out the belatedness is part of the tradition. Since we here at Casa Schwarz are committed to not buying anything on Black Friday, this is one of the best days to be grateful.

30 things about writing and storytelling for which I am grateful.

1. For poetry, which challenges, puzzles, and touches my soul. 
2. And for Poetry Off The Shelf, the little podcast that has introduced me to several new poets this year.
3. For my part-time job, which provides structure to my day, a little bread-and-butter money, and interesting coworkers with different experiences and opinions than my own.
4. For my first WorldCon! Four days in San Antonio immersed in everything science fiction and fantasy. I won't say more here, as I wrote three long posts starting with this one.
5. For Patrice Sarath, novelist extraordinaire, my WorldCon roomie, and early morning coffee house writing buddy.
6. For ArmadilloCon, my awesome local SciFi and Fantasy convention. When money is tight and family commitments abound, it's great to know that I can always make it to this cool hometown convention. 
7. For the Slugtribe Writers' Group. This open critique group has been a staple of my life since returning to writing. It's a perfect combination of regulars and random wild seeds and never fails to keep things interesting.
8. For the editors who've published my stories and worked with me to make them better. They are as passionate about writing as I am and they spend uncounted hours bringing stories to the world for a very small monetary return.
9. For the slush readers (and editors) who have rejected my stories, sometimes because they're not a good fit for their venue, but more importantly, because sometimes they need to be better.
10. Again, and every year, for my journal. What a glorious mess. Whenever I'm stuck on a story (i.e. the middle of every story), I run to my journal and flail around for page after page until I can see a way forward. 
11. For my husband who goes along with all my schemes and crazy dreams, like keeping chickens in the back yard, or pounding out story after story on my laptop. 
12. For my 12-year-old, who keeps me hip to what middle schoolers are into, and who still lets me read her bedtime stories (currently The Forgotten Beasts of Eld.)
13. For my 8-year-old who has introduced me to the world of My Little Pony as only someone from the target demographic can. 
14. For Invader Zim and Adventure Time, Red Dwarf and Monty Python's Flying Circus. Family favorite viewing for together time on the couch.
15. For Leo the dog. The pound puppy that the kids and hubby talked me into. When not laying at my feet while I write, he pesters me to get up off my butt and take him for a walk. Turns out that on foot and in the fresh air is an excellent place to work out story problems.
16. For the books I've read this year including, Jagannath, Saga, Engine Summer (finally), Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, Being Wrong: Adventures in the Margin of Error, Oranges are Not the Only Fruit, and The Blue Fox to name a few.
    
17. My little laptop. Repository of my works in progress and window to the virtual world.
18. Scrivener. I'm using this writing software more and more, though I only know the tip of the iceberg as far as all the different bells and whistles 
19. For the library, saving me thousands of dollars on my 12-year-old's manga habit, providing for my eclectic research needs, and loaning me stacks of huge, expensive art and photography books for story inspiration.
20. For my virtual writers' communities where I can meet, commiserate and trade critiques with writers from around the world.
21. For the worlds that have presented themselves in the stories that have created. Fantastic and impossible places of terror, adventure, love and heartbreak. No airfare required.
22. For the characters who bud off some created world or concept and grow into unpredictable beings who turn the tables to surprise and delight me.
23. Pinterest! How did it take me so long to get onboard with this visual feast?
24. For the hour of writing time every morning between dropping my kids off to school and when I have to show up to work. Pure gold.
25. For drafts that are broken and difficult. These are the ones that have the most to teach me about storytelling.
26. For LePen felt tip markers in every color; they make my paper-and-pen revision look festive and fabulous.
    
27. For a good night's sleep, when I can get it, and for the strange and delightful dreams that arrive in  the morning just before I wake up. If not fodder for plots, certainly some subconscious images have found their way into my story settings.
28. For all the storytellers out there, gossips and tattle tellers, pundits and conspiracy theorists. 
29. For all the surprises, not a day goes by without one!
30. For all the stories nascent and invisible, waiting to be born. 

The Belated Turkey of Gratitude

This journal's almost finished.

I love Thanksgiving dearly because it is a chance to relax with family and practice gratitude for all the things we have. I am committed to insulating my family for as long as possible from the encroaching BLACK THURSDAY. One day in our not so distant future only apostates will celebrate Thanksgiving, everyone else will participate in the sport of competitive shopping where credit card-wielding hordes crush the doors of big box stores, trample the weak and prove their worth by purchasing discounted items so that they may return home with an electronic gizmo as proof of their commitment to consumerism... So, in the face of my fear that the practice of gratitude is losing ground to the practice of getting, here's a list:

31 things about writing and storytelling for which I am grateful.

1. For finishing a journal and looking back on the glorious, sloppy scribbled pages, pictures pasted in, notes sticking out brain dump.
2. For starting a brand new journal with all those blank pages were anything could happen.
3. For stationary stores and everything in them.
4. Specifically for the Pilot P-500 extra fine (for when I'm feeling gel inky) and Pilot Razor Point II (for when I'm feeling felt-tippy).
5. For writing apps and software like Dropbox, Evernote, and Scrivener that make writing on screens efficient and fun.
6. For the public library, a well of books for the whole family, and a place where I can write without being required to buy something - because I'm not always hungry or thirsty when I feel like writing.
7. For coffeehouses and diners for when I am. 
8. For my ten minutes of freewriting, where I can bitch and moan to a sheet of paper that is bound for the recycle bin.
9. For the way that writing has taught me to be a keen observer of the world around me and of my own responses to it.
10. For all the nascent, fragile little story eggs that fill my head, even if they can be a bit distracting rolling around up there.
11. For how writing has given me something to aspire to. Mastering storytelling is serious fun.
12. For creating a world, entering it and discovering something, or someone, unexpected there.
13. For how writing has taught me to stretch and grow my imagination. To imagine worlds stranger than our own and the characters who can live in them.
14. For how writing has made me broader in my thoughts and braver in my actions. A good story is built on experiences. Good storytellers are experienced. 
15. For how good characters encourage me to step out of my comfort zone and look at issues from more than one perspective (file under how to write a good villan). 
16. For writing until I realize the way even if I have to spend thousands of words. Sometimes those who wander ARE lost.
17. For the camaraderie of my writer's group. 
18. For meeting new people who are willing to give honest, constructive opinions in an effort to make us all better at what we're trying to accomplish.
19. For the privilege of having another writer share his or her unfinished work with me.
20. For all that I've learned about writing by learning how to give a good critique of someone else's story.
21. For the work of busting apart a draft and putting it back together.
22. For reworking a sentence until it rings like a bell.
23. For publications that accurately gague and post their turn-around times for submissions. It's easier to be patient if I have some idea how long I have to wait.
24. For slush readers who deal with their monumental slush piles with alacraty.
25. For all the editors who have read my submissions -- all of them. Even when they send a rejection, I know it took time to read my story and many have taken a few extra minutes to comment on my submission. I am grateful for their time and their valuable insights.
26. For writing podcasts like Writing Excuses and the Coode Street Podcast that talk about writing and Escape Pod and PodCastle that keep my ears entertained with stories.
27. For semipro zines like Clarkesworld, Lightspeed and Daily Science Fiction that are committed to finding and putting great stories out there on e-readers, in print and as podcasts.
28. For how the practice of STORYTELLING has enhanced and sharpened my enjoyment when reading, hearing and watching other stories in books, on podcasts and at the movies. Especially when someone else tells a story in a completely surprising and original way.
29. For the magic that is a good story, which is more than the sum of its parts.
30. For sitting in the sun with a good book.
31. For the journey.